*Being intentional is exhausting*
This year has been a big eye opener to how hard raising children really is. I can see how it would be so easy to say "Its not working". I could easily see all this discipline, teaching, and constant battles with toddlers as my white flag and count these years as something to just get through. I mean who seriously has the patience to day in and day out deal with the same silly toddler things... Pick their nose, battle brush teeth, explaining why we don't use the word "mine" to a 2 year old that can hardly speak already, stay in bed, don't lick your brother, pay attention while you pee, please stop burping and tooting on purpose, stop running in the hall, don't spit on the floor or each other, and this list could go on forever. Its exhausting!!! And all could seem pointless. Do correcting some of these things really matter? Is obedience really that big a deal? Will they figure it out on their own at some point? Is this all worth the work, because I don't see huge changes in the day to day battles...
Well, the question I asked originally, "who seriously has the patience to day in and day out deal with silly toddler things?" Well, I most certainly cannot. Im completely incapable of this kind of patience, discipline, and love to do these things without loosing my mind. But honestly with the deepest part of my soul I have learned that Jesus truly can do this. I fail daily at doing this parenting thing but I don't get a parenting grade on my performance... my security is in Christ's grace to redeem me and my sinful self to himself. He refines and reconciles me to himself through conviction, through sweet moments, through prayer, through finding little victories in the day that I can not claim as my own doing but as the Lords strength to not respond how my flesh really wants to. I fail majority of the day but Im a work in progress. Im not the perfect mommy, wife, or friend, BUT Jesus is able.
I am choosing daily to be intentional. To discipline in Christ, to praise in Christ, to rest in Christ, to take deep breaths in Christ, to repent and confess in Christ, and to take this role as mommy serious because it matters. Days seems long but there are glimpses of growth in the boys daily. From stop licking your brother to now, "Im sorry Calvin for licking you" or even Calvin now begging to brush his teeth. :o This is crazy! Because even a month ago we had to hold him down screaming like he was being abused just to get him to sorta have clean teeth. These small glimpses are proof that the Lord uses this exhausting season for their character growth and world view as well as my sanctification. This is enough for me to no give up and go lazy in parenting. That even when we don't think they are taking in what we are saying, THAT THE ARE! Lucas telling us about bible stories that we didn't really think he was listening to, or his new desiring to pray when he is scared, thankful, or just because. Its exhausting but the reward will be and are sweet.
I love that they each have their own HUGE personalities and how God made them so unique but I also love that we have the high calling to help shape their character. I once heard you can't change a person, and this is true to a degree. If we view people as Gods specific design we see there is no reason to change the personality of a person (outgoing, shy, silly, serious) but our character is something the Lord builds and is using our young years for that foundation. People can change, if they can't then why would Jesus come to die.
So onward! Keeping my eyes on Christ, running the race the Lord has set me on, and hoping that even when I don't see it, HE is doing amazing things. I need to keep asking him to show me my heart and for His power to transform me, which is in turn transforming my kiddos and those around me.
Praising the Lord he has control over it all, has a good and perfect plan, and that this stage of life REALLY matters.
Well, duty calls... I just got spit up on.
Together in Christ, Your sister,
Alissa xoxo
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